“I didn't have to think about what my object was going to be for that long, to be honest. A yo-yo is a very good example of how life is as a foster carer. One second it's up, the next second it's down. It can get very twisted. It can get very difficult, but equally it can be a lot of fun. I qualified as a foster carer in November 2015. It wasn't something that had crossed my mind at all. I was very much immersed, prior to that, in the freight industry for 30 years.
Then I had a long time off work to recover from illness and for a while it just became very difficult to sustain a living. I became the chairman of our local youth club nearly 15 years ago. One day a friend of mine—a foster carer—said, you get on well with the kids, and you have a natural rapport with them. Have you considered fostering? I hadn’t…ever. But we talked about it. I did some research. I spoke to my own children, and we all agreed to just see what happens. And that was the start of it, really.
The process to become a carer is intrusive. It's stressful. It opened my eyes quite a lot to the need to establish your own circle of support because you will need it. That could be friends and family, colleagues, anyone you know you can trust and that will have your back when you need it.
A major factor for these kids is their poor or inconsistent parenting, and very often massive neglect and trauma in early years. You’ve got to meet them where they are. My eldest foster son always loved animals. He has a learning disability and was quite troubled when we first started, but we got him involved in the Young Farmers Club. He went every weekend, brushing rabbits and being chased around the yard by a mad goose, but he loved going.
The highlight of their year was attending the Kent County Show. Each of the kids at the Young Farmers Club were given a sheep that they had to prepare over a number of weeks and present. They brushed the sheep relentlessly to get this pure white fluffy coat. But the proudest moment for me was when he didn't tell the judge to fuck off when he didn't get a rosette, because I thought that was quite probably going to happen. I was just cringing, waiting for it, but he kept his cool even though he was very disappointed. It showed the great progress he’d made in the two years we’d been together at that point But then on the low side of things, later on, he set fire to the house.
That was very traumatic and a lot of carers said to me after that incident, why the hell is he still with you? But you have to stay calm and evaluate what you think, you know? What other people are not understanding is there's a bigger battle going on in the background . You don't always divulge this because the children deserve safeguarding and privacy.
There are some big misconceptions about being a foster carer. You don’t have to be married and live in a big house. There’s no obstacle as long as you're fit, healthy and can provide a loving, caring, and supportive home to somebody. I think people also assume it’s much easier than it is. Glorified babysitting. It is literally nothing like babysitting, being a professional parent is without doubt a labour of love. It's a 24 hour job, no matter what. I can say confidently it's not easy money. But you don't do it for the money.