“It’s the last thing that should have happened to her really. She was so bright, articulate, and had a fantastic memory. But it can happen to anyone, can’t it? Really, I just take it a day at a time. You can’t predict anything. Things come along you could never have imagined. Just before we went away recently, while I was preoccupied the packing, I realised it had all gone quiet. Jan had gone into the bathroom with her phone and rung up some dementia organisation, spinning a story that was completely made up and they had called the police. There was a ring on the doorbell and two policemen were standing there. That’s what can happen with dementia.
On another bad day, I’d been to the doctors for a routine blood test and when I came back Jan wasn’t there. I had a frantic time trying to find out where she could be. I ended up finding her at Folkestone Police Station. That’s when I thought "How can I address this in the future and get the reassurance I need of where she when I lose sight of her. ” That’s when we started using a tracker.
Jan’s happy to keep the tracker in her handbag. So as long as she's with the handbag, which usually is the case, I can always find her. It's a great reassurance.It’s a device that works with an app on your phone. I think most iPhones have got it: an app called "Find My," and you register the tracker on that app. If you lose sight of someone, you just open up the app, and locate the device. Even at a distance, it will give you the location of the person you’re looking for. She also has a a watch-like holder for another tracker which means that once she puts it on in the morning it’s unlikely to be removed during the day.
We haven't had call to use it seriously yet. At the moment, it's really only for situations where I'm just reassuring myself. So, for argument's sake: if we're out in a public place and Jan goes into the ladies, I might come out of the gents and think, "hang on she's been along time– have I missed her?”At least I can look at the app and see, Nope! she's still in there.
I wouldn't call myself particularly tech savvy, but I've told quite a few people who this might help, especially for people likeJan with dementia. It gives me so much peace of mind. They’re a brilliant idea. It’s a life saver really.
It requires trust, obviously, but she's happy to have the thing in her handbag. She doesn't feel it's an intrusion in any way. She'll pull my leg sometimes that I'm keeping tabs on her but she knows the practical value of it and she's quite happy.
Another big change for me: Jan used to do all the household things - cooking and the shopping. I didn’t bother. I didn’t know how to cook anything. I’ve had to go on a steep learning curve and I’m enjoying it. I’ve bought myself an Air Fryer and I’m quite cocky with cooking now.
I suppose men of my generation didn’t traditionally do all these things. I notice there’s far fewer male carers than female carers at all the groups we attend. Women seem to be much more proactive. Maybe men aren’t so good at helping their wives with dementia out of the house. We like it though. The socialising, the activities and friends you make, it’s fantastic.
Life as a carer of someone with dementia can be stressful. I may look calm but you should see me sometimes. At the end of the day, you just have to think: ‘Look, she can’t help it. It’s the dementia calling the shots.’ Sometimes you do lose your cool and then you feel incredibly guilty.
But in many ways we’re lucky. The great thing is that Jan is not afraid of travelling anywhere or meeting people. We’re living everyday and most of our friends have been very good. There’s the odd person - and maybe I’m being over-sensitive - who might prefer to avoid us. Jan asking the same question over and over can be wearing but generally things - they’re pretty good."